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Thursday, January 19th, 2006
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Thu, Jan 19th, 06 @ 7:12pm - Tear us in two, is all I seem to do when I hit the bottle 'cause I'm afraid to be alone
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Last chance for letting me know when you can get in contact with me next week in New York.
If you WANT to meet up, please email me your contact number: deadcjunkie at hotmail dot com
We're staying at the Woogo Hotel apartment thing. So.. let me know. Cause tomorrow is the last day.
current mood:  waiting
current music: The Music
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| Tuesday, January 10th, 2006
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Tue, Jan 10th, 06 @ 8:32pm - I love you! I love you and you're trying to fucking destroy me!!!
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Fall into you
Is all I ever do
When I hit the bottle
Cause I'm afraid to be alone
Tear us in two
Don't give up on the dream
Don't give up on the one thing
And everything that's true
Don't give up on the dream
Don't give up on the one thing
Because I want you to
Because I want you to
Because I want you to
Because I want you
Because I want you to
Stumble into you
Is all I ever do
My memories easy
And I'm afraid to be alone
Tear us in two
Is all its gonna do
As the headache fades
This house is no longer a home
Don't give up on the dream
Don't give up on the one thing
And everything that's true
Don't give up on the dream
Don't give up on the one thing
Because I want you to
Because I want you to
Because I want you to
Because I want you
Because I want you
Because I want you to
Because I want you to
Because I want you
Because I want you
Fall into you
Is all I ever do
When I hit the bottle
Cause I'm afraid to be alone
Tear us in two
Tear us in two
Tear us in two
Because I want you to
Because I want you to
Because I want you
Because I want you
Because I want you to
Because I want you to
Because I want you to
Because I want you to
Because I want you
Because I want you
Because I Want You- Placebo (badly transcribed)
I am WELL overdue an LJ entry.
I do have one somewhere that I have been cooking up for a while, but I can't be bothered to edit it to the now and post it up, so maybe later.
Until then you will all have to wonder about my marvellous adventures since ...
OCTOBER?!?!?!
Good grief!!
Seriously, if you care that much about my christmas and new years, it'll be up.. soon.. promise?
Expect some kind of repetition though; I can't be bothered to go back and look to see what I've said there so I don't say it here.
With employment comes materialism. Kind of.
Actually, with employment comes money and with that kind of money and my kind of non-expenditure comes a heady need to buy buy buy all those things I want, anything shiny that catches my eye, BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
It's been kinda bad, but with my up and coming trip to New York I've managed to put myself on spendage lockdown... kinda.
Well, I haven't bought any single item over a hundred this week or last, which is good.
Yes, about New York. I think (haven't been reminded by Bungle yet) that the departure date is the 21st. Or the 22nd. And I think we leave NY on Thursday. We're staying in NY, NY, in some hotel that I can't remember the name of.
Anyway, we wanna check out some gay bars and some gigs and meet some people, so, once more, IF ANYONE KNOWS THEY'RE GONNA BE AROUND NEW YORK MAJOR AROUND THAT TIME, OR CAN TRAVEL DOWN, LET ME KNOW. Dates and times people, dates and times.
Big news #3: Ich habe einen JOB!!!! YES! A JOB! (sorry if i just butchered your language) A proper actual full time job.
Life sucks.
Nah, s'not that bad I guess. I am raking in 17K which isn't too bad for a first time job, IMHO. I'm still living at home and I still can't drive, so I don't have those expenses for a start. I am going to set up a DD to give my rents some, heh, rent though.
I deal with in-bound housing enquiries!! Yay! I get to talk to angry people over the phone! woo! About rent and repairs and the fact that their neighbours leave flowerpots outside their door and have children! YAY!
Good grief.
At least it's interesting. And I do admin on top of that:-
- former tenanting
- REALLY OLD former tenanting
- consent to disclose
- void works logging
- recharge repair logging
and much MUCH more!
I still love lists.
It's also good if i want to go into housing when I get older, which I do.
Big news #3: PLACEBO!!!!!!!!!
NEW SONG! RADIO 1!!!
It's called 'Because I Want You' and it's sooooo hot. Very different. And now the little aural teases have me begging for the new album. MARCH 31st!!! TOO FAR AWAY!
I did, however, stay up til 10:30 last night in order to record the Steve Lamacq show and it's exclusive first play of the new Cebo track. I taped it, copied down the lyrics, sent them to alwaysontherun and opened AOL for some sonic sharing with my wife.
'Twas yay.
More lists and loves to come later.
Today's journal entry brought to you by the letter 'L'
current mood:  jubilant
current music: Taste in Men- Placebo (Alpinestars Kamikaze Skimix)
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| Tuesday, October 18th, 2005
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Tue, Oct 18th, 05 @ 8:00pm - TEMPORARY POST NUMBER TWO
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still another temp post, but...
... HOW MANY OF U ARE IN NEW YORK (the city) OR NEAR ENOUGH THAT YOU CAN TRAVEL DOWN WITHOUT TOO MUCH COST TO YOURSELVES???
Lemmee know.
(edited thanks to heavens_above ^__^)
current mood:  blah
current music: Jane Birkin
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| Monday, September 12th, 2005
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Mon, Sep 12th, 05 @ 7:58pm - BUNGLE
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| Sunday, July 31st, 2005
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Sun, Jul 31st, 05 @ 12:05am - This person SUCKS! WARNING!!! EMO POST!!!! SO FUCKING EMO IT'LL MAKE YOUR EYES BLEED!!
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You wanna go for a ride
So get in the car
And I won't hurt you
Unless you ask me to
Hurt you
Boy
I won't hurt you
Unless you ask me to
Hurt you
Boy
Now take off your clothes
I wanna take pictures of you
I wanna capture you in digital
I wanna take pictures of you
You wanna go for a ride
So get in the car
And I won't touch you there
Unless you ask me to
Touch you there
Boy
I won't touch you there
Unless you ask me to
Touch you there
Boy
Now take off your clothes
I wanna take pictures of you
Boy
I wanna capture you in digital
I wanna take pictures of you
Boy
You won't age a day
In freeze frame
You won't age a day
In freeze frame
You won't age a day
In freeze frame
Take off your clothes
I wanna take pictures of you
Boy
I wanna capture you in digital
I wanna take pictures of you
Boy
Take off your clothes
I wanna take pictures of you
Boy
Take off your clothes
Pictures- Timo Maas feat. Brian Molko
Hottest song.. will soon become a fanfic I think..
Hah.
I have no muse. It died. It shot itself like a man running to catch a train.
And Bungle wants me to write her a Carl/Pete fic... but ones that sweet with a feel-good ending... HOW i'll manage this, I don't know, but I shall try
I'm so fucking emo. My new name shall be FEC... for fucking emo cunt. Which is what I am. Not what I'm doing.
So if you don't wanna hear self-obssessive drivel and bullshit, leave now.
So I'll continue talking to myself.
I don't even know WHY. I've been depressed as fuck all week. Next thing you know I'll be posting Knife Party lyrics.
I really can't take it any longer, so on Monday, fear or no fear, I'm gonna ask to go back on Lustral, cause fuck.
I won't survive.
I hate how I need to drink to stop myself having a panic attack and killing myself. Cause that is where I'm heading.
Monday. Anti-depressants. I can hold out til then and the week(s) it'll take for those things to fix my brain chemistry.
I feel so crap. And so irritated with myself.
Don't worry anyone left, you're not the only ones who wanna kick me. fucking hell.
The friends I make get bored with me after a while, and the ones I have left i don't keep just cause I'm fucking like THIS. Yeah, I'd wanna leave me too, but I'm kinda STUCK with myself. So I should just shut up and stop it.
I've done fuck-all this week.
I've got two jobs that these agencies have sent my CV off to, but I aint heard nothing yet. I got an acceptance thing from that Research Writing place, but I have to scan my passport etc in before I can do anything about it.
I hope it works out.
Sophie said I don't have any luck with pets and she's right. Our cat died and now our rabbits gone. I reckon she's dead. And my fish is dying. 'I'm surrounded by decay!' How. Goth. *vomit*
My dad decided Thursday was a good day to lay into me, so THAT was fun. Hopefully it'll stop when I get a job, but I don't hold any hope of THAT Happening.
My lip is still infected as EVERYFUCKING ONE AND THEIR FUCKING DOG KEEPS FUCKING TELLING ME I FUCKING BLOODY KNOW!
For FUCKS sake. I can't take that anymore, so shut the hell up.
I'm also spineless. I let everyone bully me into doing everything. On the other hand, thanks everyone who takes advantage of it.
My wife makes it better, she makes it bearable. I really do love you.
current mood:  emo!
current music: Distillers
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| Friday, July 22nd, 2005
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Fri, Jul 22nd, 05 @ 6:28pm - You wanna go for a ride? So get in the car. And I won't hurt you, unless you want me to hurt you
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I don't mind that I've come back here again
in a place so far away from normal life
they are racing to a prison
they will never leave
worshipping a system
I just don't believe
I could stay right here and never leave
what else do I need?
I know that you don't like me
that's all right today
I love you but you bore me
don't fuck up my day
I could stay right here and never leave
what else do I need?
People worry that I don't do anything
I think they really wonder why I'm not like them
they are racing to a prison
they will never leave
worshipping a system
I just don't believe
I could stay right here and never leave
what else do I need?
what else do I need?
what else do I need?
What Else Do I Need- Vast
Yeah they had a song in the Angel soundtrack... but Vast... rawr. Loving them right now.
Them, The Pixies, Placebo, Timo Maas, The Misfits (thanks to my wife) The Smiths...
I'm Loving the Placebo remixes, but I have yet to find and collect them all... I shall soon! MWAHAHAHA!
ugh.
I completely shouldn't have woken up today. Not only did I have to go to the doctors (I have antibiotics for my lip infection, woo(!)) but I found out that I didn't get that job I really wanted.
Plus, a certain someone went a certain somewhere without saying bye. Thanks.
And there isn't even any booze to drown my sorrows in.
Today. Sucks.
I don't know how much cash I have left.
This entry was one big EMO sulk.
So here's a pic to cheer me up.
( You wanna die? Go on, commit suicide. )
I am SO writing THAT fic.
( The only decent quiz on Quizilla )
*sniffle*
I WANT MY WIFE!
current mood: depressed
current music: Pictures/Like Siamese- Timo Maas feat. Molko
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| Friday, July 15th, 2005
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Fri, Jul 15th, 05 @ 12:27am - I don't know what colour your eyes are baby, but your hair is long and brown
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I don't know what color your eyes are, baby,
But your hair is long and brown.
Your legs are strong, and you're so, so long.
And you don't come from this town.
My head is full of magic, baby,
And I can't share this with you.
The feel I'm on a cross again, lately,
But there's nothing to do with you.
I'm alive, so alive.
I'm alive, so alive.
Your strut makes me crazy,
makes me see you more clearly.
Oh, baby, now I can see you.
Wish I could stop,
Switch off the clock,
Make it all happen for you.
I'm alive, so alive.
I'm alive, so alive.
I don't know what color your eyes are, baby,
But your hair is long and brown.
Your legs are strong, and you're so, so long.
And you don't come from this town.
My head is full of magic, baby,
And I can't share this with you.
The feel I'm on top again, baby,
That's got everything to do with you.
I'm alive, so alive.
I'm alive, so alive.
So Alive- Love and Rockets
Am I overdue an update?
I really like that song.
I remember when Quizilla used to have quizzes in it and not lame stories, random speeches or 'how well do you know me, a random person on the internet who no one really knows, why am I even asking, only my three friends and my sister will get 'very well'' crapola quizzes.
Does anyone else get the sensation of burning eyes when they see that site???
So my TV died. A few days ago, and I don't miss it.. why? I have teh NET!! YES!!
And I can watch TV with it! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
*coff*
Anyway... my timetable continues..
Wednesday: clothes shopping ><; possibly doctor's appt. also make optician's appt.
yeah, the appointments? didn't happen.
Thursday: Thomson Directories interview at 10 am in Farnborough; Resource Recruitment to talk to Debbie about interview/job type things at 2 in Fleet; possibly cinema in Guildford
Ehm... all that actually happened. Only the cinema bit took place on the Wednesday, I went with Cat and Laura to Guildford and we saw War of the Worlds, it was pretty good, but I have yet to see if it followed the storyline or just turned into 'the story of Tom Cruise' because I haven't read the book yet.
Heard the record though... a long, long time ago...
But, the interview went okay, despite the fact that I watched the news in the reception before hand and watched about the bombs in London when they were still saying it was a power surge. Didn't know anyone had died at that point either, so I was worried about taking Ryan back to Euston the day after.
I know I didn't get that Thomson job though, I didn't make the short-list for the second interview. But oh well.
Friday: Take Ryan back to Euston for 3pm; Sophie's birthday
So I slept in and Cat said she'd take them instead.
They were okay on the way up, but on the way back they had to get off the Tube and walk back to Waterloo cause of a bomb scare. And I kicked myself cause I'm supposed to be the eldest, I should have gone.
But oh well. I just SUCK. That is all.
And now... Sophie is nineteen.
o_0
Saturday: Graduation ><; robes and everything
No, you're not getting Grad pics cause I look damn silly.
The robes were black with a blue and cream thing and a mortarboard lol, and it HUNG off me cause I said I was an inch taller than I actually am. Stoopid.
I have my diploma (I don't know what I did with it now... urk) and had the procession thing. I made the guy in front of me crack up. The walking sucked.
We had to go shake hands with the Chancellor dude... now he was old, from WW2 or something AND he'd hurt his hand... BUT! he has the strongest handshake of any man alive, I swear. He nearly handshook me over his shoulder. He must be RoboChancellor or SOMEthing. Anyway, we sat through the rest of the ceremony, then I had to go get professional pics taken and then I said bye to Dave and teh others and went home.
When I GOT home we had a barbecue and a partay thing and Bungle and Sophie came round and we got a leetle drunk and giggly.
I got a LAPTOP for a graduation present. I'm on it right now. I haven't been OFF it since then (semi-j/k). I downloaded a DVD playing program, and AIM online, as well as the new messenger and all kinds of fun things, MWAHAHAHAHAHA.
The DVD player is especially helpful as the TV is broken, but I can STILL watch DVDs. Mwahahahaha.
Ehm, then we went to teh Agincourt for Sophie's birthday thing, with Cath and NATALIE too. Which was fun. I got drunk(er) and danced and cut my palm a little bit on this wicked bit of, uhm, road barrier (><) as we walked up, so I asked for some TCP or something and got plasters(!) instead. Woo!
Later on in the evening I banged my chin giving someone a hug and went to order a drink so I could get some ice (snerk) for it. So I'm standing there with my hand over my mouth cause my chin is hurting and some REALLY random woman next to me asked me why I was hiding. I told her I'd hurt my chin, but I think she heard 'hate my chin' cause she grabbed me in a hug and said 'you're gorgeous! everyone's gorgeous!' after which she let go and said 'I'm so high!'.... but it was still nice of her.
And that was my day. Lol
Sunday: Church, as usual
AND we went to the horrible Frensham ponds and its many... people and its sand. urgh.
Monday:... nothing... yet...
I'm SURE Monday happened because today is Thursday, but other than that, NO actual evidence it did...
Tuesday: Interview with the people in Hartley-Wintney at 3pm
She said I interviewed well. They said they were impressed.
I have to go back again on Tuesday at 9.30am for a couple of hours to look at the system and meet the people.
Looks promising.
I had another one today but I cancelled it.. basically cause... I don't wanna BE a debt collector. I can't BE that mean.
Oh well...
I'm becoming increasingly more paranoid... like, severely.
It's frustrating because I know I'm being UTTERLY stupid but I just CAN'T suppress these feelings of abandonment, suspicion and anger. Anger! It's TIRING!
I'm not a generally angry or volatile person just because it takes up so much damn ENERGY!
How. Ironic.
So, I've lost half a stone.
If you find it, I don't actually want it back, I find that I weigh LESS without it.
For the people out there who don't know what a stone is (and I know you exist) its a type of measurement. Like kilos, pounds, or -in my case- tonnes.
And HOW did I do this you may ask?
Well...
... I haven't a clue.
I think its something to do with my lifestyle.
- late nights
- late mornings
- no breakfast
- no tea until after 7
- job interviews
- sitting on ur ass with a hot laptop on your lap
- stress
- graduating
If you do this then you too can be losing weight!
Diet plan?
- copius amounts of pepsi max
- crisps for breakfast
- whatever's leftover from dinner after everyone else has eaten
Oh yeah.
THAT'S healthy.
I'm sure I'll put it back on. I wouldn't worry.
OW! My cocyx!! *whimper*
It really HURTS!
I downloaded the two ed edd and eddy specials off the net.
And yeah, I think I'm done!
( Read more... )
current mood: lonely
current music: So Alive- Love and Rockets
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| Friday, July 8th, 2005
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Fri, Jul 8th, 05 @ 4:07pm - All in one piece... except for my scatterbrain, but that was never in one piece..
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Just a quick update thing..
for everyone who was worried about me after hearing about the bombs in London
I am okay.
For those of you who panicked,, I'm sorry sweethearts *HUGS*
I was down there but I don't live near there, so I was alright.
But the fact that you worried made me feel.. okay, really bad for making you worry, but really loved, so thank you and I'm sorry
*LOVES*
current mood: thankful
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| Tuesday, July 5th, 2005
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Tue, Jul 5th, 05 @ 8:50pm - I'm gonna lick out your brain
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When the blood was red and the lies were black and white
they put their hands together they thought the right
we know they made mistakes but we still imitate
keep the spirit alive when there's nothing left at stake
now our heroes seem further away
your fists in the air but nothing has changed
would they shake their heads would they feel ashamed
fists in the air for a fucking name
all we know is what came before
there's no revolution anymore
we look to the past and ask for nothing more
there's no revolution anymore
on the edge of tomorrow what are we fighting for
we fight each other whenever we get bored.
jaded kids hatred wins and we all lose
schemes kill our dreams its self abuse
lets light a match to these dynamite dreams
lets let it all go and set it all free
I vote for the outcasts the losers and creeps
who can bring it back again make me believe
there's no revolution anymore!
No Revolution- The Explosion
I only heard half of this song onjce, but liked it. I'm sure that will change after a while, but for now... there's no revolution.
BUUUUUT anyway.
Good grief.. my so called diary is filling up like something that needs more time but doesn't have enough, so it crams everything into four days and then realises its all TOO MUCH and dies.
Or not.
Wednesday: clothes shopping ><; possibly doctor's appt. also make optician's appt.
Thursday: Thomson Directories interview at 10 am in Farnborough; Resource Recruitment to talk to Debbie about interview/job type things at 2 in Fleet; possibly cinema in Guildford
Friday: Take Ryan back to Euston for 3pm; Sophie's birthday
Saturday: Graduation ><; robes and everything
Sunday: Church, as usual
Monday:... nothing... yet...
Tuesday: Interview with the people in Hartley-Wintney at 3pm
I don't WANT a life.
I went with nebris to pick Ryan up yesterday. I was a moron because I went to bed at 4AM! even though I knew I had to get up at 9am to get ready to go, but hey... I love my wife and RPing too much to be SENSIBLE about these things.
SO I get up, dog-tired and sleep deprived and go to Farnborough with Nebris to see about her Sixth Form induction.
The silly little girl who was showing people around told me I could sit in the classroom with her... and all these other 15/16 year olds... and no one noticed I wasn't supposed to be there...
so I got to pretend to be 15 again and go through the whole 6th form 'experience' and feel really jealous that my own 6th form bit ass compared to that.
The best part was when one of Nebris's little friends thought I was 16... she nearly died when I told her I was 21. I guess this is a good thing... if it keeps up.
Anyway, we went back and I saw the Thomson building, so now I know where I gotta go for my interview on Thursday.
We went back into Aldershot after I shopped for clothes in Farnborough and got two shirts and a pair of trousers on sale, woo. Economy!
Anyway, I bought Neb a MaccyD's and then we set off for Euston!
Good grief.
I was so tired.. and it got worse as the day wore on.
We went to Waterloo, had to walk over the footbridge to get to the Underground, took it to Euston, then hung around for forty minutes, during which I burned all my taste buds away with hot chocolate.
I love railway stations.. as long as they're busy, like Waterloo and Euston and NOT the back end of nowhere like ASH. *loathing*.
I saw this woman with a long haired Dachshund that looked more like broom end. At one point it just lay down and refused to walk, but she didn't notice and dragged it a few steps.
Lady, why don't you just pick the damn thing up?
But yes, we picked up Ryan and then headed back home and WALKED back from the station..
But I still managed to go down the shops and then stayed up til 2am...
Don't know how, but there you go.
Of course, then I slept in til 3pm today. Still tired.
I got up at 10:30 am to call Debbie back, as she called yesterday while I was at Euston, and I was so tired I was shaky, lol.
But I slept more after, so that was good.
Hella good.
( DEATH BY SUGAR )
current mood:  overwhelmed
current music: Bring the Pain- Mindless Self Indulgence
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| Sunday, July 3rd, 2005
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Sun, Jul 3rd, 05 @ 12:52am - Some fuck for fun, Some for prestige, Some come on their feet and Some come on their knees
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You got heat on your trail, it’s thick on your mind
Heat sunk some more, your belly got sore
It’s a sickening blow to lose someone you know
Flat on you’re back with nowhere to go
So I drink it like wine and curse this domain
Squeal like a pig, Piggy got time
It’s a sickening blow to lose someone you know
Flat on your back with nowhere to go
Sickening Blow- The Gasolineros
WHAT'S been happening in my uneventful life since I last spoek to you...
... I don't remember.
Okay..
I know it was my mum's birthday and my mum and dad's anniversary on the same day last weekend...
Me and my sisters got my parents a wine rack, an indoor greenhouse and a bedsheet set and we bought my mum a lot of tiny things like a French Manicure set and that for her birthday. All in all I spent over fifty quid, but it was worth it.
They deserve some kind of compensation for having me.
Anyway, that was okay. Family came round and me, being the socially anxious person I am, I was nervous all day.
What else...
I caught 'Kung Fu Hustle' with Dave in Guildford the day before.
That movie, rocks. Go see it. Now.
No, now.
Yeah..
This week, I 'ave been mostly..
job hunting
It sucks.
You get a degree and then what can you do with it? Nothing that's what. Especially not if you live in glorious SURREY!
*vomits*
One year plan: Make enough money to buy laptop, write more and get some freelancing done
Three year plan: Have enough money to be able to look into property, have experience, hopefully have a decent freelancing portfolio
Five year plan: Have made enough money to be able to be comfortable, hopefully do freelancing mostly, try and write more..
Six year plan.. look back at everything I failed to do, kill self.
*sigh* Yeah, I applied to this freelancing place who haven't got back to me.. yet I'm hoping.
Two agencies, one of which is actually DOING something for me... :s
Looks I'll be getting something data entryish or telecommunicative, which is so depressing I can't even begin...
Speaking of, I have yet to go to the doctors for that, and my lip ring, which is beautifully infected and looks awful and is a little sore and people KEEP going on about it...
yes I know its there
yes I know it looks bad
My mum is the worst >< Bless her. But ARGH!
What else.
Graduation is next weekend. ><. I got tickets, yay! And hired my gown (ick) just now, as well as photos. How mortifying. How stressful. How social!
That joke isn't funny anymore.
So, I have to buy clothes for that AND for job interviews and (if I'm lucky) jobs as well.
I sent my CV to Thomson Directories as they had some jobs going on, and I have to hand my application form in on the same day as my interview! On Thursday! At 10 bloody AM!
Considering I go to bed after 1 and wake up after.. hmm.. 11 at the earliest, this shall kill me. but oh well.
Like I keep saying in my Agency interviews.. I'm flexible!
Shut up.
I also need normal clothes, so yeah, money spent on me. Again. On top of the Uni fees and the 80 plus quid that graduating is gonna cost. One final drain on the bank balance that is. It's ridiculous really.
CAN'T THEY LET US BE!!!!
No, no they can't really can they.
Apart from all this, NEXT week, Nebris' little friend Ryan is coming down from Scotland.
So, on Monday, I have to fork out to get a ticket down to Waterloo and then all the way to Euston to pick the little toerag up. Oh well.. and then I have to take him back to Euston on Friday.
Let's TIMEtable shall we?
Monday: Pick Ryan up
Tuesday: Clothes shopping?
Wednesday: Clothes shopping? And/or boozing
Thursday: Interview at Thomson Directories at 10 am
Friday: Drop Ryan back; Sophie's b'day
Saturday: Graduation
Sunday: Drunkday
Well that was fun.
( Read more... )
current mood:  irritated
current music: Some- Dream City Film Club
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| Wednesday, June 15th, 2005
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Wed, Jun 15th, 05 @ 9:55pm - there was culture, now there is shopping
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My guy has a tan transcontinental
But it keeps me enchained
Watch an old black and white movie
Fred and Ginger are too sentimental,
crying in shame
I don't want to be forgotten
I can't be alone
So don't you dare leave me
It's like coming home
It's a skin that has died
Human voices like a drum
And they're looking right through me
Scatter the ashes one more time for me,
one more time for me
My guy has a tattoo ornamental
When he's frozen in space
Cut your eye far to me
A covered carcass is too elemental,
caught underneath a subway
I don't want to be forgotten
I can't be alone
So don't you dare leave me
It's like coming home
It's a skin that has died
Human voices like a drum
And they're looking right through me
Scatter the ashes one more time for me,
one more time for me
One more time for me, one more time for me
One more time for me, One more time for me
One more time for me, One more time for me
Trans-likened, twisting my ankle
Doing the grave dance
Narcotic? Yes please, I'll have a sample
Riding on my very last chance
Then the clouds will open for me
Gonna meet my Jesus Christ
I see history playing before me
For pleasure and passion you pay the price
Sadness the name of the spike that took me
I'll make it that's all
Like some raging, hard, horny Mephistopheles
Who came for my soul
Then The Clouds Will Open For Me- Placebo
*YAWN*
I am tired.
Got up at 8:45, uncommonly early for me (lol) and went into Reading to see the Job Fair and get my unofficial results.
The Job fair sucked.
First off, the map was confusing as hell. Secondly, the only things of interest to students with English degrees was the young publishers society, which is more a club than anything joblike.
Me and Dave then hung round 360 b4 going into town and wandering around. I bought:
- Cornershop: when I was Born for the 7th Time (£3.99)
- Daft Punk: Human After All (£9.99)
and the book
- The Body by Hanif Kureishi (£3.00)
So I was pleased.
I love Kureishi..
'A successful but melancholic friend, ten years older than me, had described his head as a 'raw wound'; he was as furious, pained and mad as he had been at twenty-five. No Nirvanic serenity for him; no freedom for ambition and envy...
...But where to find consolation? Who will teach us the wisdom we require? Who has it and could pass it on? Does it even exist?
There was religion, once, now replaced by 'spirituality', or, for a lot of us, politics- of the 'fraternal' kind; there was culture, now there is shopping.'
But yeah, we went back (in the blistering heat after I got RAINED on in Aldershit) to get our Uni results..
Unofficially..
I got a 2:2
Which I'm fucking glad of, cause I REALLY thought I would either fail or scrape by with a pass.
So yeah... *Sigh* How anti-climatic.
Ihad a double whisky to celebrate then went home and lemme just say...
bus rides + tired + sun + alcohol does not mix.
ARGH!! I keep getting NOSEBLEEDS!!!!!!!! >< ow my head...
( Read more... )
current mood:  tired
current music: Say It Ain't So- Weezer
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| Tuesday, June 7th, 2005
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Tue, Jun 7th, 05 @ 11:00pm - he's the son of the absconded hot rod angel- and he imagines cars and rides them in his dreams
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ah, Carl, while you are not safe I am not safe, and
now you're really in the total animal soup of
time-
and who therefore ran through the icy streets obsessed
with a sudden flash of the alchemy of the use
of the ellipse the catalog the meter & the vibrat-
ing plane,
who dreamt and made incarnate gaps in Time & Space
through images juxtaposed, and trapped the
archangel of the soul between 2 visual images
and joined the elemental verbs and set the noun
and dash of consciousness together jumping
with sensation of Pater Omnipotens Aeterna
Deus
to recreate the syntax and measure of poor human
prose and stand before you speechless and intel-
ligent and shaking with smae, rejected yet con-
fessing to the soul to conform to the rhythm
of thought in his naked and endless head,
the madman bum and angel beat in Time, unknown,
yet putting down here what might be left to say
in time come after death,
and rose reincarnate in the ghostly clothes of jazz in
the goldhorn shadow of the band and blew the
suffering of America's naked mind for love into
an eli eli lamma lamma sabacthani saxophone
cry that shivered the cities down to the last radio
with the absolute heart of the poem of life butchered
out of their own bodies good to eat a thousand
years.
Howl (excerpt from part 1) - Allen Ginsberg
Mmmm Allen Ginsberg is STILL doing yummy things to my brain.
As you can probably guess.
Today I got up early and walked into Farnham (the next town over) to register at this job agency place... it took me about forty-five minutes... and then I had to walk back.
When I got there we had a chat and then I did this test to see how good I am at Word and Excel and then I had to do a typing test thing..
I got a 70 in Word, so I'm intermediate to advanced there, a 60 in Excel, so I'm basic there and my words per minute is 54, which she said was very good. My error rate thing was 0% which she said was unheard of. She said she should be able to get me a job without a problem.
That would be a huge yay as long as I'm allowed to keep my piercings in... otherwise it'll be a small yay.
That's basically what I've been doing all week. Writing my CV, handing it out, emailing it off, joining recruitment places on the web, going round to see the agencies..
Also RPing... damn addictive stuff that..
Bungle, I don't think I'll join those RPG's, though I'd like to, cause
a) the one I'm in now is taking all my time
b) I don't feel comfortable playing a HP RPG when I don't know anything about their little world.
Also, JK Rowling, kinda bugs me so, it's kinda... thing... you know what I mean, I'm sure..
That Fruitsbasket one... still might... s'abit... daunting, but I know you'll hold my hand Fio.
MAN, I'm mean to my characters... MWAHAHAHAHAHA!
I get my results (unofficially I think) on the 15th of this month >< and I'm also going into Uni to browse through the job fair thing. Hmmm... wonder if I'll need to by then... I prolly will anyway, though I'm not looking forward to that long haul..
Anyhue, this weekend, my cousin JoJo came down with my Uncle Andrew from London. That was fun. She's such a sweetheart, older than me but still close to us.
She straightened my hair as you can see in this very bad black and white pic...
woo!
I am sure...
Last week I also hit the cinemas to make up for lost time.
I saw the Hitchiker's Guide to the Galaxy, which was funny and well filmed, IMHO. And then me and Cath wanted to see the League of Gentlemen: Apocalypse AND Sin City and we couldn't decide on which one... so we just saw both. One after the other. Immediately after the other.
We saw LOGA (good, but it could have been funnier, no biscuit... although Papa Lazarou was good in it, as he always is) and then we crossed the hall to the next screen and watched Sin City (the storyline is made crapper through movie-isation, but the remblance to the actual comic made it worthwhile, just to enjoy visually. Dunno if you'd like it as much if you haven't read the comic, but there you go). It was good timing...
In fact, it was good timing all day.
We walked into Farnham, dropped off my CV's, waited four minutes for the next train to Aldershot, waited two minutes once we were there for the train to Guildford, had enough time to go get tea in Guildford after buying both sets of tickets, did so, got back, watched the first movie and when we walked in to see Sin City the trailers had JUST ended. We got the train home 3 minutes before it left.
It was just a breeze... don't you love when things like that happen?
I have a problem with location the 'G' key while I touch-type. It's very affrvating... (I did that on purpose btw)
ANYWAY, trailers wise, I was shocked and semi-horrified to see the trailer for the American version of Dark Water. What is with the 'Itsy Bitsy Spider'?? If they'd made the movie properly, or just released the original one, it wouldn't NEED creepy little girl's singing nursery rhymes in a creepy little girl way.
Also shocked by the trailer for 'Unleashed' when I realised that Jet Li's character (man brought up as dog, turns killer when uncollared) was EXACTLY like the character of Topaz in the RPG... quite headachey..
Ehm...
I'm seeing the new Charlie and the Chocolate Factory and I'm buying it on video when it comes out. I've decided, and so it shall be.
If I have the cash.
I'm also gonna see Madagascar, cause yay! I'm NOT seeing Mr and Mrs Smith cause Ms. Jolie is beginning to piss me off and I didn't like Brad Pitt in the first place.
What else is out? I don't remember..
OH the Orange commercials. GOTTA love them. The Darth Vader one is class.
Jessica leant me her hot pink nail varnish.. it's fun to eat. I also told her I write slash, SHOWED her some of the slash I write and then she joined the RP in which I slash... if she blows my cover I will stand outside my house (after being kicked out) and throw rocks at her window in the night.
!! Brian Molko is in Timo Maas' new video 'Rest of Your Life'. You can see the vid on Placeboworld, its kinda cool... the tracks not amazing, but its not bad.
NEW ALBUM OUT 2006!!
I'm stopping to do this just for my ![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) haydn82 cause a) he tagged me, b) he loves me very much and c) he's my harem boi... gotta look after my harem bois and occasionally indulge them ^________^
My fave 6 songs at the moment, in no particular order...
1)Monkey- The Kills
2)Nancy Boy (Sex Mix)- Placebo
3)I Would Walk 500 Miles- Less Than Jake
4)Subcultural Girl- Nekromantix
5)Born In A Junkyard- Nirvana
6)Lessons- Primer 55
I tag: EVERYONE ON MY FRIEND'S LIST to do this. Hah!
Speaking of my harem, I've added my wife and husband sallytomyjack , cause she's my wife and husband and lover with another lover. We make carnal relationships with the written word.
Kenny, pet, I hope you liked your blend thing, it took me long enough.
Damn Britney Spears and her stupid hair, and damn you too for making me look at her for that long... although she DOES look pretty DAMN old that close up..
... but there ya go, you're in my harem and as I said before... whim indulgence.
Anyone seen Wonder Showzen on MTV yet? How AMAZING is it??? Very? Why you're right!
You're never too young... to have a Vietnam flashback.
Well I find it VERY funny.
sorry I'm anti-social, but people make me sick
I think that's enough insane rambling for now.. I need sleep, I'm not used to going to bed at 1 (previously, 4/5am) and waking up at 8 (previously 1). Woo.
Quizzes SHOULD come here, but they're not gonna until someone makes one that isn't complete CRAP!
current mood:  crazy
current music: Fried My Little Brains- The Kills
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| Saturday, May 28th, 2005
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Sat, May 28th, 05 @ 1:17am - Now that Ive left your life, remember that I always thought your existence was incredible
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Subcultural girl, you shock my world
Subcultural girl, you shock my world
Psychobilly hot babe, rude girl, new wave
punk chick, skin girl honey I'm your slave
I dig the way you do your hair
I love your attitude and the clothes you wear
no square's needed when you're around
you seduce me with the smell of underground
my rockabilly pinup you're so tough
I cant get enough...
subcultural girl, you shock my world
see you walking down the street ooolala
deadly curves, nasty and bizarre
ooh girl you're the one for me..
I like what I see..
Subcultural girl, you shock my world
Subcultural Girl- Nekromantix
Urgently needed: more people in my harem. Apply via comment
It's Friday. And it's the 27th of May. Isn't it? Yes.
My CD from the library is already three days late. I don't know where the actual DISC is...
Oh well.
So, uhm, since ... then... last entry. I have... been mostly. Doing fuck all!
And spending money.
I got Jack Kerouac's 'On The Road' in the mail the day after I got everything else, and I've flicked through both of them, but I'm reading Burrough's Naked Lunch first, as that's the one I got first.
And I SWEAR I've read parts of it before. Maybe in 'City of Night'. I SWEAR. I'm going to have to look that up... cause it's driving me nuts.
Keats and Yeats are on your side, Wilde belongs to Morrissey, and in my corner? Homosexual junkie beat poets.
BY the way... I tend to type the way I speak this... which explains the overuse of ellipsisisisisisi... or es...
And the disjointed. Sen. Tences.
:p ^_______^
I also bought two 'Primer 55' albums for under 8 quid plus pandp and a Kills single for under 2, so that worked out okay. Dunno when I'll be getting them though, hopefully tomorrow.
In some kind of Odd balance with the obscene amount of moneyI've been spending, I also signed up for Jobseekers Allowance today and started looking for a few jobs on the Net... looks like it's gonna be a hard task. Some good stuff, but nothing... wow. Though I'm not EXPECTING my perfect job... some stuff looks good, I just have this terrible fear, of failure.
((there's that speech typing thing again... ))
And if I haver... whatever that means...
I haver a fricking lot.
I was going to do an 'are you addicted to the internet' quiz, but decided... I don't need a quiz to tell me I have a problem... lol
I wanted something CREATIVE to put here, but I have nothing ready yet. Yet.
I went to GUildford today to see 'Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy' and it was as funny as I hoped it would be.
There is a sequel, right?
I also want to see 'House of Wax' cause it looks crap. Strings looks good... The Cat Returns looks... just... ... what?
In coming films I want to see Kung Fu Hustle, Madagascar, Sin City and I'm going to BUY Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. Cause it was good before, and even though we don't have Gene Wilder anymore, we have TIM BURTON... so yay.
Man, I'm boring...
But... why... does Charlie Bucket always have to look like he got his name because whenever anyone saw him, they headed straight for the nearest one????
( Read more... )
current mood:  hot
current music: Bring The Pain- Mindless Self Indulgence
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| Tuesday, May 24th, 2005
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Tue, May 24th, 05 @ 5:34pm - I do not feel twenty-one
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Sweet oblivion
Don't leave me waiting too long
Once we were so at ease
We had everything we could ask for
Here in your cold embrace
There is no distance or time
But in such sweet solitude
My pain starts to fade away
Meet me in the bathroom and I'll show you everything
I'll give you something that you can believe in
You kept me waiting, waiting for so long
Don't leave me standing here
Sweet oblivion
Don't leave me waiting too long
Cuz when I lost my mind
You're the only one I could turn to
I'll perpetuate
But I'd be wasting my time
I've finally realzed
You're the only one that I needed
Meet me in the bathroom and I'll show you everything
I'll give you something that you can believe in
You kept me waiting, waiting for so long
Don't leave me standing here
All this filth and disease
That brought us all to our knees
But the faithful will keep holding on
When all that you're living for's gone
Sweet Oblivion- The Deadlights
Hmm, well, I started writing this LJ entry last week YONKS AGO and it’s just been sitting here… this is what I said…
So, I had no nightmares, but that's because I didn't have any SLEEP last night. I was up until midnight finishing my last assessed essay (both of which I handed in today, yay!) and I went to bed at around two... and couldn't sleep. I was still awake at four when I went into the bathroom to find some painkillers and realised they are all downstairs. So I went back to bed and was still awake at 6am. I woke up at 8:30 am, missed my 9:15 am bus and thus missed my 11:00 revision class, but saw waserface afterwards, and she told me what she told them in roughly three minutes... so I'm skipping the others too.
I'm going to attempt to get up at 6am tomorrow... for shits and giggles.
Yeah, I bet I don't do it either.
Heh, I didn't.
All those library books have to go back at some point, and it is at times like this that I wish I'd written them DOWN.
No, this one I actually did. Half of them were overdue, so I thought I’d have to pay a lot considering I had at least twenty books. But, when I asked how much I owed the librarian told me that you didn’t have to pay until you were eighteen…
…which if fair enough…
…apart from the fact that I’m twenty-one and she KENW this because I’d been talking to her about my dissertation only MINUTES ago.
So, I walked out without telling her I was actually 21. Just to be mean. And spiteful. And to save cash.
Well if she’d LISTENED to me… it’s her own damn fault…
>>
<<
AAAAAAAAAAanyway….
I have… ( FINALS!!! AHHHHHHHHHH!!! )
ALL FUCKING DONE YES!
You have NO idea what time I’m gonna have to get up at to get those 9am exams…
*cries a little*
It sucked. I had to get up at 6am or before to get dropped off at Fleet Station for 7:15 to get the bus which gets me to Reading a whole hour before my exam. With flu. Feeling. Like. CRAP.
*le sigh*
On a more positive note, the exam that I’ve had already went okay. Despite the fact that I didn’t know I had it and only found out two days BEFORE I had it. So did last minute revision. …
Yeah.
Shelley was urgh… but Decadence was good, like a gentle walk in the park. I wouldn’t go as far to say that I enjoyed cause, frankly, I’d much rather be writing about gay sex and angst than the 1800’s… but there ya go.
Working Class Heroes SUCKED ass, mostly cause I only actually read a quarter fo the texts, so I watched one of the movies, finished reading one of the half done novels and revised poetry this morning on my way to the exam.
I think, considering that, I did okay. :S
All in all, I kept having anxiety nightmares the night before the exams, but was relatively calm once I got to the exam place, and then through the exam. Each paper was two hours with two questions, an hour on each question, four sides of paper in an hour roughly. Not too bad.
On a LESS positive note, I’ve left my graduation ‘I will be attending’ form til NOW to hand in and some of the graduation thingys are full… I feel sick. I hope it’s not MY one…I may cry. I need to have my rents there, cause they deserve it. I seriously may cry if they can’t be there.
Okay, so, I ordered these boots today…
Hopefully I’ll get ‘em soon… cause… I’m impatient.
They don’t have them in STOCK so they’re making me some… they should be ready in 4-8 WEEKS!!!!!! DAMNIT!
I want INSTANT gratification!
I have yet to go to the doctors, but I’m still getting cracking headaches and dizzy spells. My lip ring is slightly better but still infectalicious and the other thing is still there and worse and needing something so that I stop DRINKING all the time. Cause ow. I also have some flu thing and have had it all through my exams so urgh. Time for RnR. MWAHAHAHAHAHA!
So what else…
I’ve had some life the past week…. I think… *thinks*
Or the past week after my firs exam, and nothing form then on except revision.
Went over Soph’s after my exam on Friday. I don’t why sitting for five hours almost continuously is so draining…
That’s two bus rides into Reading and a two hour exam… I was so pleased though, I didn’t fall asleep in my exam! Which is what I did all through my second year exams. ALL through. I wrote sleep crap and had to cross it out and start again sometimes. Anyway…
I hope I don’t sleep through my 9am exams is all.
Heh, I didn’t.
So we watched Interview with the Vampire (I hate that movie. I LOATHE Louis. DESPISE!!!! Spineless whiner… moving on) and Buffy the movie (Pike/Benny slash you say? Why yes!)
I still hate that movie.
We also got pizza, I remember, (gasp), and although I ordered anchovies, prawns and SWEETCORN, what I GOT was anchovies, prawns and TOMATO.
Tomato. Sweetcorn. Tomato. Sweetcorn.
No.
So yeah, next time Soph orders, she gets a free bottle of drink, woo!
Seeing as today was my last final, and almost nearly the end of my uni career thingymabob, I bought stuff. Much stuff.
I bought a navy Reading Uni hoodie in XL flavour as well, just cause I wanted one. Its HU-AGE on me and so big and fluffy and warm ^_____^ I’ve been living in the thing.
Anyhue, me und Daveish went into Readink town und DIDN’T see odd drum dude. Which was nice.
We hit the shops. We went to that leather shop where I bought that collar, and even though they’d expanded, they didn’t have a replacement collar for I to purchase *pout*. I want something like this ... only NOT at that price. Hah. I’m prolly gonna have to, aren’t I?
Yup, yup, yup.
Camden? Mayhaps?
But yush. Then we went to this music shop I can’t remember the name of, but it’s good. I bought the following:
- Grove Armada: Vertigo
- How Soon Is Now?: The songs of the Smiths by Various
- Alkaline Trio: Time to Waste demo
- Cornershop: Topknot single
- Dizzee Rascal: Off 2 work promo
- Tom Vek: C-C (You set the fire in me)
For the grand total of : £17.99
Not bad at all.
In HMV for around the same price, I bought:
- Nine Black Alps: Not Everyone (which I think maybe damaged)
- AudioBullys: Shot You Down
- Gorillaz: Demon Days
Yeah, difference? I think so. I was also going to buy Daft Punk’s new album but everywhere I went I realised that it HAD been cheaper back at that first shop, but 1-2 quid. And me, being tight… yeah.
But, I came home and had MORE Presents… admittedly bought by me, for me, but still…
I’ve ordered:
- The Junket: Lux Safari
- Naked Lunch by William Burroughs
- On The Road by Jack Kerouac (as it was only a quid…)
I’ve had the Junket album and Naked Lunch so far. I’m expecting On The Road to arrive sometime this week.
If you’ve seen my User Profile, you’ll see that I’m building a HAREM. To be in my HAREM send me a pic of thou about the size of the ones already on there (if they’re bigger, I can resize them if I have to) so’s I can add you.
Some of you own ME, and you’ll be getting your own thing. ^____^
THIS ICON IS MY NEW BABY
Now I was watching this ‘100 Greatest Cartoons’ thing on Sky and the had Dangermouse in there (as they should) and someone said that the theme song was one of the greatest.
And it’s TRUE! It’s so plain and honest.
He’s the greatest.. He’s fantastic. Wherever there is danger he’ll be there. He’s the ace. He’s amazing! He’s the strongest, he’s the quickest, he’s the best. Dangermouse.
No faking, no clever hard to say language, just the facts. He. Is. Teh. Yay.
And that’s it. PLUS, he’s a mainstream cartoon character… for kids… and the hero… and he’s a james Bond type guy… and he has. An EYEPATCH! The connotations! The COOLNESS. Dangermouse rocks.
Yet I can’t find the T-shirt I want. Just grey… Dangermouse standing… on his own. And that’s it. But NO ONE has it.
If I was making a theme tune CD, I’d add Daria’s theme tune. Of course.
By a band called Splendora, who’s album I wanna get, having heard some sample tracks and thinking, well, they pretty much rock.
Roobarb and Custard would have to be on it. Because. Wow. It hardly needs anything done to it, it’s practically a rock song by itself.
And for something more contemporary (hah!) I’d add Ed, Edd and Eddy (just cause I love it that much) and
MEGAS XLR.
Comeing from New Jersey, fighting villains from afar. You gotta find first gear, in your giant robot car.</i>
It’s stupid in a way that’s… yay. Anyway, it floats my boat, so whatever you’re thinking at this moment…
I stick my tongue out at you.
Especially you Daveish.
( And I’ll leave it here, cause this has been a fucking long entry. See what happens when I’m too busy to tell you guys I’m too busy to tell you about my paltry life?
)
current mood: accomplished
current music: Gorillaz- Demon Days
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| Monday, May 2nd, 2005
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Mon, May 2nd, 05 @ 12:43am - The pumps don't work cause the vandals took the handles
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railroad yard in San Jose
I wandered desolate
in front of a tank factory
and sat on a bench
near the switchman's shack.
A flower lay on the hay on
the asphalt highway
--the dread hay flower
I thought--It had a
brittle black stem and
corolla of yellowish dirty
spikes like Jesus' inchlong
crown, and a soiled
dry center cotton tuft
like a used shaving brush
that's been lying under
the garage for a year.
Yellow, yellow flower, and
flower of industry,
tough spiky ugly flower,
flower nonetheless,
with the form of the great yellow
Rose in your brain!
This is the flower of the World.
In Back of the Real- Allen Ginsberg
Ah Allen Ginsberg....
Truly his work is Fight Club in poetry...
AAAAAND.... I just bought his book on Amazon. Under a fiver, 3 quids of that is P&P. *growls*
But yeah. its worth it. Check me out being all pseudo-intellectual.
Speaking of which, note to self, Dave has my Kafka.
SO yeah, events, past.
I finally handed my dissertation in!!!
I was happy but not as much as I would think. where the fuck have my emotions gone?
So, yeah, dissertation. I went to bed at something like 2/3am and woke up at 7:30 am when I could have got up at 8:30... and went into Uni. Handed it in. I did a little over the 10thou and then went in with Dave to hand them in early, cause the plan was to go to Woking for a bit and hang out before teh show.
First I went to Dave's to lend him my copy of Kafka's novels and his landlady was there. As we left she first said
'You have finals soon don't you'.
Yes. Thank you for bringing us down from our 'done dissertation high' with THAT. THEN she goes something like...
'Then we'll have to talk about you moving out'
Wow lady, could you BE more of a sadist???
Anyway, we walked out to get to uni, and passed one of those politic billboars, the 'Are you thinking what we're thinking' ones.
And someone had changed it to 'are you smoking what we're smoking?'
...
Gotta love student urban sabotage.
Anyway...
We crept into waserface's office and handed our dissertations in early, and seh saw that we'd both put 10,000 words exactly for our word count. She actually SAID to us, 'this looks suspicious'.
Yeah, okay... you show me a 48 page document that has less than 10,000 words on it...
W/ever.
THEN...
me and Dave went and bought LOLLIES!!!! SO many lollies! and I cracked up when he had cream on his nose and had to use a handy railing for support. And then we missed the bus. :s
So, we decided to walk into town to get the train, rather than wait an hour for he next bus, so we set off. On through the town...
when we got nearer to getting into town, we were met with a tramp looking dude, who carried a drum.
I shit you not, he really had a drum. a tiny lil bongo drum thing, only skinny...
and then..
he BOWED to us...
o_0
I'm not making ANY of this up, he bowed. And then he said 'Hello brother, hello little sister' and then started talkin to Dave as we TRIED To walk away.
He pointed at a Securitas van at one point and told us he used to steal them for fun.. whee!!!
We lost him eventually :s
Byt the time we got down to the station there was ten mionutes before the next bus to aldershot left. That would cut my journey time down by half an hour, so I got that instead of the train, only Dave didn't come cause he'd just have to go again as soon as he got down...
so he went off in search of the beer festival
I had no more adventures til I got home and changed and called Sophie all in a panic cause I was late, but luckily she was at Coffee Culture and not at the station on her tod.
So I got there late and we scoured the shops for a top for her (finding nothing, damn summer clothes and their lack of sleeveage) and grabbed a Greggs for tea before catching the train to Waterloo. We then got the tube to Islington and spend AGES looking for the damn Carling Academy. You'd think people would know where it is, but NOOOOO. Apparently its Islington's best kept rumour.
We ended up asking a leisure centre dude who directed us.
Anyhue. we stand in a queue with a couple from kent for a half hour (or more, cant rmemeber) until it was time to go in at 7, which we did.
We then waited for James Marsters to show from 7 to 9:35...
The bastard.
The SUPPORT band didn't come on until some random time like something to nine...
Oh how they sucked. Luckily I was dosing with ProPlus (which then made me feel very sick) and whisky so I managed to manage. Soph got to talking with the GAYEST man I've ever seen in my life (okay, it was more his shirt... pale pink... ruffled sleeves.. and a ruffle down the front...)
This support band...
Spoke for half their set, played their songs for half their set. Each song lasts something like a century and sounds the same as the last one.
The first one, we were told, was about parachutes. That's right. Apparently, the hallmark of a good childhood (TM) is having the experience of running under a parachute when you're young. Whoopee!!!
Then the woman took a pic of the crowd to show her mum... who she later said was in the crowd... o_0.. what's the lesbian female version of the Oedipal complex???
Anyway...
I think the second song was about tequila.. *shrug*
but the third song... ah the third song. She spoke. For at least five hours... about a guy she'd known called Frank... and his wife Margaret. Who had died. And then Frank had somethign small wrong with him. But it was actually something big. And he died. Cause instead of getting treatement he went home to Margaret...
After this...
She proceeded to sing.
I said, and I quote...
"Nuuuuuuuuuuuuuu! We've alredy heard the story, we don't WANT to hear it again in song!!!"
But she sang it anyway. Then she set herself up.
The crowd were restless... feet were hurting from standing up, we'd been waiting HOURS and still no James Marsters, and now this pesudo-country-emo crap....
Half of us were engaged in private conversations while the other had their backs to the stage. Anyway...
the woman askes us if we want another song, or James Marsters...
Yeah, she left pretty soon after that.
Then, a girl in front of me who had been screaming 'get off the stage' at her was told off for doing so by some chav girl in tight pants. ><
She can be as rude and obnoxious as she likes, she kinda slightly has the right to free speech a little bit.
It's ironic really, because James Marsters (when he finally decided to come on and play) talked at length about how the crowd were great and loved each other, and WEREN'T fighting. Cracked ME up.
Anyway, his performance...
he played some acoustic songs, which frankly, were blah, then some rockier stuff which was okay, but no biscuit. The only thing I liked was the three or so blues songs he played.
Of course, he ripped the riffs directly from other blues songs, but damn can he sing them. He should seriously change his genre. IMHO anyway.
He ended late. We went home. I managed an internet session when I got back at 12:45 something like that of an hour and was in bed by 2am.
That night, I had a dream... actually, it was many dreams and they were nightmares. LOTS of them.
That thing about them being caused my dissertation stress? not true.
In this one dream...
( Read more... )
I feel traumatised...
In other news, I'm planning a mass trip to teh doctors.
I need to see about:
- anti-depressants
- the dizzy spells
- my lip ring infection and
- if I can get a tattoo with that sking thing I have...
I fear.... very greatly, I fear....
( Read more... )
current mood: discontent
current music: ghost train- gorillaz
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| Monday, April 25th, 2005
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Mon, Apr 25th, 05 @ 10:55pm - you seduce me with the smell of underground
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Park the car at the side of the road
you should know
time's tide will smother you
and I will too
when you laugh about people who feel so
very lonely
their only desire is to die
well I'm afraid
it doesn't make me smile
I wish I could laugh
but that joke isn't funny anymore
it's too close to home
and it's too near the bone
it's too close to home
and it's too near the bone
more than you will ever know
It was dark as I drove the point home
and on cold leather seats
well, it suddenly struck me
I just might die with a smile on my
face after all
I've seen this happen in other people's
lives
and now it's happening in mine
That Joke Isn't Funny Anymore- The Smiths
Copied directly from the sleeve lyrics of 'The Smiths'.
Morrissey says.... bring your own puncutation.
It was that or Subcultural Girl by Nekromantix. If anyone has Nekromantix stuff, we can do an online track swap. I'll mail you my whole list of cds.
First things first... after a lot of random babble, but yeah...
Thank you to everyone commenting with warm fuzzies in my last entry. It helped and I needed it. So thank you, sincerely, as sincere as you were to me. Love you all. WIll get back to you on the first born thing.
Oh James Marsters... who told you you should sing?
Aw... he's okay just... why?
Sophie, looking forward to being dead and or dying by Friday, as I'm sure you're gonna be too.
Turns out that the DISSERTATION THAT ATE MY LIFE AND KICKED MY ASS AROUND FOR KICKS MUST be handed in on Friday. No earlier. Unless its an 'emergency'.
At least I have an extra day to fine tune said dissertation.
If anyone missed me over the last few however long its been, that's what I've been doing. Well, that and smutting it up with my LUVVER *rabigglomptackles Kei*
.....
*reappears after a few minutes, steamy but amused*
So yeah. Dissertating. Will be handed in on Friday. *thumbs up* I'm actually being serious, I'm THIS close to finishing it.
I just have to find a poem for the seventies to compare to The Clash's 'Janie Jones', then find a poem from the eighties (what, did they stop WRITING or something?!?!?!) hopefully to manipulativly put against a Smiths lyric....
And then I have to finish comparing the beat poem with 'Hound Dog' for the fifties, then compare the Sixtie's, Seventie's and Eightie's, then proof the whole thing and print it and I shall be done!!!!!!!!!
Incidentally, if you're wondering why the hell I'm telling you this, its cause it makes me feel better to say what I've got to do in a structured way cause then it seems like less. Although it sounds like more... but not... o_0. SO yeah, it's for me, not thou.
Not that I don't love thou.
I wonder if I can start saying thou in normal everyday language. *thinks*
AAAANYWAY.
So, the concert on Friday will be a PERFECT way to end the month from hell. He better sing 'Good Night Sweet Girl' or I'll climb onstage and kick his ass down to Sophie. Who will have her way with him. Yay!
Then, Saturday, Sunday and Monday will be spent writing my assessed essays to hand in on Tuesday after the Bank Holiday. Thinking positive on those. I can bang out an essay in a day easy. And I actually have secondary sources this time!!!!
They're gonna HATE me. MWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
So I'm beginning to think I might actually GRADUATE after all. *in shock*
Upside, degree. Downside... I have to rent.. and WEAR... a... GOWN!!
><
But yes... that's if I pass my Finals. Which I shall have to revise for after I hand in that essay. My first is on the 18th, but I'll be posting up my exam timetable for my despair and your sick twisted sadistic amusement later.
You sadists.
And after exams... MORE stress. As I wait on my results. Then forget that I even did a degree after a week and be shocked by a letter through the door one day...
Or not.
And after that, well.
I'm thinking bridge.
Ha. I'm so pessmistic, I'm sorry. Like Mozza says 'that joke isn't funny anymore'.
I dunno. Try and get a job.
Maybe move to London (*hysterical laughing at THAT idea*)
Hopefully spend a few months in America to work. So... if you wannna meet me... maybe... lol
You never know, it could happen.
What have I also got 'planned'.
- Trip to Scotland with Bungle and my lil sis to see her boyfriend... eugh.
- Holiday to Australia with teh familie.
- Road trip to Cardiff with Bungle et al
- possibly learn to drive
Trip trip trip... for this I need Money money money.
Currency SUCKS.
But this dissertation really has been stressing me out. I can't sleep well. I'm either all jittery and can't fall asleep or I'm asleep having the SURREALest nightmares. They haunt me through my brain... and then when I wake up, it's back to jitteryness.
I woke up with an anxiety attack that lasted two days on Friday. Or was it Saturday? Whichever it was, it was unpleasent.
I'm slowly but surely transferring all the books in my library to my house.
I fucking swear.
I have eight or nine poetry books, five history music type books, two books from other libraries for my assessed essays, and a cd.
Libraries are so good like that. Rent a CD for a quid and ten. Burn it. Give it back. Repeat.
Oh! Bands I like atm... (cause you all needed to know, I am sure):
- Nine Black Alps (I don't like this place. I don't like what it's become.)
- The Editors (She'll speak when she's spoken too)
- The Rakes (everything is temporary these days, might as well go out for the third night in a row) these very much remind me of seeing Mark play... also of Joy Divison...image wise
- Be Your Own Pet- Damn Damn Leash
I'm sure there are more but my memory card is tiny and now full.
Also, sadness... my cat died. This was a few weeks back. Some people might know she was missing for about a month. We found her and she'd been dead for two days. Something had been eatnig her and hadd ragged her out so we saw her.
While everyone was out burying her, I couldn't go, so I was in the house to let my Uncle et al in. My sister comes in, red eyed from crying, hugs him, and he says...
'Did it stay still long enough for you to bury it?
I shit you not. She ran off crying.
I'll post some pics of my cat when it's not 11:40.
Also, my dad has slapped a curfew on the comp. Net shuts down at 1am. Except for weekends, thank God.
Speaking of God, I was in Woolies with Cath looking for a Bob Dylan CD for my dissertation, and they ahd none. So we went to the library, none there with the song I needed. We went BACK to Woolies to get Cath a phone and... a Bob Dylan Cd!!! With the song I needed on it. First track. I take it as a sign from God... my dissertation will be done.
Now...
QUIZZI!!!!! (the plural of quiz)
( Read more... )
current mood:  exhausted
current music: Subcultural Girl- Nekromantix
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| Monday, April 11th, 2005
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Mon, Apr 11th, 05 @ 11:47pm - It's like I died this night and forgot that I wanted to. I am ending.
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So fucking low.
I know a lot of people say they won't talk about this stuff in their journals, but I'm going to, because I've got nowhere else to do this.
There's no one I can tell in RL who I haven't already told, and I don't wanna be a bigger annoyance than I already am to them, and there's no one left from that group of people who believe me. Or wanna hear.
If you wanna listen to it, haven't gotten sick of listening to it by now, and won't make me feel worse about everything AFTER talking to you, you're probably on the Net.
And even then, its not your responsibility to talk to listen to me about it, not that I'd even tell you if you'd ask, simply because, what am I gonna say? Things that a lot of you already now? Much of you have had it worse, or are feeling the same, why the fuck should I add my paltry pathetic narcisstic misery to your own? You have your own problems without scoffing at mine.
It's at times like these when the fact that I'm a Catholic saves my life; suicide is a mortal sin.
It's become a fantasy, a favourite daydream like the way you look forward to your holidays. We're all dying after all.
And some are dying sooner than others, through no fault of their own, and they daydream about life.
Well, yeah, I am selfish and ungrateful for the blood in me and the physical health I've got. But I guess when there's those strong, admirable people who daydream of life and soldier on while dying, you have to have a balance, their seesaw, counterparts, the weak, despised people who have fantasies of hard gun punches and ribbons pulled from their arms while they live without living, a life that someone else would gladly take, if they weren't so unselfish.
Self-harming wouldn't be a release, it wouldn't be a form of expression- it would be a justly deserved punishment for being so this way.
Only I wouldn't stop would I. I've always had a problem with overindulgence, when I have the material to overindulge.
And like I say, suicide's a mortal sin.
Who's left reading this who came in at the beginning?
...
What are you, some kind of masochist?
I'm so depressed, so darkly fucking miserable today that I think even my parents have noticed. It's not a one -off thing, I'm just too distracted and too tired to hide it very well today. I'm sorry, I should have stayed in bed.
I've been meaning to wash my hair for three days and haven't had the... thing... to do it yet. I'd stay in bed if it wasn't for the fact that I'm not allowed to and there's housework I need to do.
I really don't know why I'm feeling so incredibly bad, or why I have been for the past week. If anyone has this image of me crying and wailing in my room, tissue in my claw-clutch hand, you're mistaken. If I cried, don't worry, I'll tell you.
Bungle, my random call to you earlier was because of this, I'm sorry. That's why it was so random. I dunno, I think I just felt lonely. If I hadn't called you though, I probably would have gone crazy, so thanks anyway.
(By the way, that was a semi-joke. I MAY have slaughtered something mercilessly, but I wasn't going crazy as in BlackMonday crazy. No worries.)
Amazing. Astounding. How you can 'never see the lonely me at all to steal from Placebo. IN all the ways you can see a person; asleep, alive, dead, angry, happy... you can never see them truly lonely.
Today I self-medicated with one of those alco-pop vodkas and whisky and coke. Thank God my dad drinks every weekend or I'd be in a serious mess right now.
Heh.
current mood:  something rotten
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| Thursday, April 7th, 2005
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Thu, Apr 7th, 05 @ 2:41am - He was born to fly
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I am leaving while you turn away
In the basement is where I'm going to stay
There is blood in all the things I say
Will you hate me if I stay this way?
From the bedroom, where we're running from
There's a sequel to the things I've done
You're a women, we both know it's true
By the things that I have done to you
There is blood on all the shoes you've worn
From the people you've been stepping on
There is blood in all the things you say
I won't hate you if you go away
There is blood on our hands again
From the bedroom is where we will
Bring it back to the start again
Bring it back to the love we had
(Repeat)
I am leaving while you turn away
In the basement is where I'm going to stay
From the bedroom, where we're running from
There's a sequel to the things I've done
There is blood on our hands again
From the bedroom is where we will
Bring it back to the start again
Bring it back to the love we had
(Repeat)
Blood On Our Hands- Death From Above 1979
Yesterday was bipolar to say the least.
They cut me off at the clinic! I had to find another doctor! I found him in the Yellow Pages; maybe I'm bipolar. Oh yeah the Butthole Surfers rock my socks. Well, Weird Revolution anyway...
I was the most depressed I've been since before I started taking meds last year for most of the day. If you spoke to me at all on the Net around that time, I'm SO sorry.
So yes, from when I got up to around 6 in the evening, or later, I was miserable, so i made sure to stick around where people were in case of irritating panic attacks leading to messy situations.
Anyway, around 6 Laura came round and tings, and we went out to the cornershop so I started feeling a bit better.
I bought some Flying Saucers (those wafer thingys with sherbert in the middle, you know) and some pepsi max and made my sugar experiment.
This is something you can try at home kids!
Basically, you split the shells of the flying saucers in half and empty the sherbert into a cup or a ramikin, making sure to keep the little shells in shell like shape, and preferably joined together at some part.
Once you have enough sherbert, you pour in the pepsi and mix it all together until it goes a scummy white/brown colour. At this point it will look anything but appetising; but persevere. Once you've made the solution, you've got to get the little wafer dish thing, and thence comes the tricky bit.
You've got to scoop some of the sherbert liquid into the shell, close it and put it in your mouth before it
a) crumbles
b) dissolves
c) falls apart in your hand, bathing you in stickiness. Of the bad kind.
But trust me, this thing is gold. Although you probably shouldn't try it if you're diabetic :S
I invented this thing one boring slow day working at Anglian.
Anyhue, sugar-fuelled and buzzing, me and Cath went out in the car with Laura and Luke. It was Laura's 20th birthday thing and we cruised around before eventually deciding to go to the Tumbly, where Luke realised he had no money and I realised I had no money so I had to borrow a tenner from Catherine.
Expect an entry from me when I get my legs broken for not paying up on time, good grief! All she needs is a base in South London and a coupla heavies, dudes in black jackets with bald heads and a skinny white guy with a straggly beard to push drugs.
Somone matching that description was actually ID control at the Tumbly last night, only the only thing he was on was coffee.
Much coffee.
At least, it was probably coffee.
I had my usual and bought Laura a Reef, but that was all she had as she was driving. We chatted about piercings, karate, Alex (Luke knows your bro Hannah) and the usual crap we get into talking about.
Then, when I'd moved onto Black Smirnoff Ice, we all went to try the Foosball table.
Catherine vs. Luke.
9 goes for 50p... she whipped his ass.
9 - 0 to Catherine, each goal about 5 seconds after the ball was released onto the table, I kid you not.
Anyway, then I had a go and I fared better.
7 - 2, again to her, but this time I managed to hold her off for a bit longer, so there's hope for me yet...
who am I kidding, the only sport I can play is pinball, and even that claim is suspect.
So, after she whooped our butts and we discovered that the pub was nearly completely empty because it was QUIZ night, we got back in the car and grabbed a KFC. Then, we had to go back to MY house because I cleverly managed to spill my Pepsi.
But this was no ordinary spill... oh no.... I'd been holding the cup between my knees while eating chips in my hands, and as we turned a corner, I kinda squeezed and tilted the cup. So the lid came off and literally half the cup covered me... it kinda... dripped...
...okay! The end result was me sitting in a puddle of PEPSI!!! UN-comfortable. SO I was taken home to change.
Anyway, we dropped Luke off and then went into Farnham to cruise and blast music at the pub leavers. We ended up driving around for a few hours because Laura was lost and I didn't know this because CATHERINE was in shotgun (after I'd called it! Rude!) and she didn't bother to ask. Eventually I found out and directed her back out of Aldershot.
We got back around midnight, and they watched Fight Club. Laura ended up going home at around 2 something and then my mood dropped AGAIN until it was worse than it had been that morning.
So then, all day today, it's been worse. I dunno, I just want it to stop.
current mood: depressed
current music: Butthole Surfers
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| Tuesday, April 5th, 2005
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Tue, Apr 5th, 05 @ 1:54am - So keen for you to listen, but no one's listening
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She should have stayed away from friends
She should have had more time to spend
She should have died when she was born
She should have worn the crown of thorns
She should have been a son
She should have stood out in the crowd
She should have made her mother proud
She should have fallen on her stance
She should have had another chance
Been a Son- Nirvana
It is impossible to chew on your lip under your lip ring and NOT chomp on your lip infection as well….
…Sorry if I grossed you out there.
I was going to do that 'list some fave bands and ask people to guess your fave track by them' meme but I realised it would be kinda out of order seeing as I can't choose a single favourite song for any of the bands I like....
I had. MINIMUM. hours sleep. I went to bed at around 5 am and woke up at 8am *cries* because I had to get up to let the fridge mechanic guy in. YES 5 AND 8 AM OF THE SAME DAY!!! Jeez...
Like I'd be ALLOWED to sleep that long. Like I'd be able to go that long without seeing my online groom (she knows who she is) I send you hugs dear one because some days these past two weeks you've been the only thing that's made me get out of bed at all.
Otherwise I would have just stayed in bed until the rents started setting fires by my door to smoke me out, in which case I would have dived headfirst out my bedroom window. Lets see anyone try to wake me up from THAT! Hah!
Although there is this REALLY sweet area where my jawbone is on the right side, underneath, nearer my ear than my chin, which is just BEGGING to be bruised by the barrel of a gun. Or something. Like that...
AAAAAAAAAaanyway, I've been thinking about going back on my meds because I've been a MISERABLE bastard lately, in all and every sense of the word, and none of my uni work is going to get done with THAT headspace. Plus I've been no fun. My girl. No fun. No fun to hang around... okay, enough. And yeah, no one wants to associate with me when I'm like that, and I don't particularly blame them.
On... someday... my nan on my mum's side (the only grandparent I have) came down from London along with some of my aunts, uncles, cousins and second cousins for Easter.
This is a different part of London than my other aunt (she's actually my dad's cousin) who is in Southall. Damn, just realised how long it's been since I updated this thing, sorry.
Heh, assuming, of course, that you care; although I know some of you have expressed a desire to read more. and I LOVE you guys *hugs and PG-13 rated smooches*
ANYWAY! So they came down and my aunt gave me 40 QUID! as a belated 21st present. And there were many eggs all round.
She also brought these things called Scoubi Doos (which you'll know all about if you're still in high school, or were around when the thing was a crave in the past, but which you'll only know about if you're my age if you're... very, very bored. or have nothing better to do. Or are easily amused. So most of you then) For the uninitiated, Scoubi Doos are these long plastic string things which you 'knit' or 'weave' into things like key chains.
The MOST interesting thing about these (apart from their amazing colours, yummy smells and rubberness) is the fact that this craze is bigger with boys than girls. Is this a product of an increasingly meterosexual society? Or are the boy's just infinitely more bored than the girls?
ANYwho, with my sudden glut of birthday money, I went to the cinema with my right and left arms (Bungle and Soph) and we saw... uh..... *takes twenty minutes to think of what film we watched* Constantine! yay! Yeah, we watched Constantine and it's not bad. You can definitely see the comic book influence, especially in the first few scenes where Constantine walks into the building of the possessed Mexican girl.
What I was IRRITATED with was Gabriel. Hello, ow! Boobs bound down, not fun for that poor chick. SURELY it would have been easier to use a girly looking guy? Or a masculine looking girl? Or that dude that came in The Terminal and wore the orange jumpsuit, cause he's practically a drag king, he looked more feminine in a moustache than most women do in a dress.
What is with that, seriously??
Not that it's a BAD thing just... how?
But yes, Gabriel, looking too girly when it should have been asexual (No han, not THAT kind of asexual) and THEN, they did that thing where they make Gabriel crazy. Why?
They did it in the Prophecy as well. Heaven forbid you make a movie where the devil is the bad guy. Or where Gabriel actually remains the good guy. I think they did well at the end though where
( SPOILERS )
END SPOILERS
Also, it irked me when Constantine talks about what the Spear of Destiny actually IS, and tells waserface
'The crucifixion didn't kill Jesus... it was the spear' *mystical hands*
((I'm TRAGICALLY misquoting, but come on, I saw it once how long ago? And HOW crap is my mind? That's right... extremely.))
So SHE goes,
'I KNOW that, I AM a CATHOLIC'
It's like getting into bed and finding biscuit crumbs... someone ELSE'S biscuit crumbs. like an itch in your brain you can't scratch.
ESPECIALLY cause this film was so soon after Easter.
No. Jesus died on the CROSS. And they speared him in the side instead of breaking his legs cause he was already DEAD to fulfil the scripture that said that his bones WOULDN'T be broken as most crucifixion victims legs WERE to kill them from suffocation. Otherwise it just takes too long.
Incidentally, the myth of the Spear of Destiny aka 'The Godkiller' isn't entirely fabricated by the creators of Constantine. And that's as far as THAT'S taking me.
After teh movie, we hit HMV. Hard. Oh yeah. Did someone say 'clearance sale'?
I bought (yay lists):
- Gorillaz : Gsides
- Air: Moon Safari
- Ramones: Anthology
- Daft Punk: Homework
- Mars Volta: The Widow single
Good haul for less than 25 quid I thought.
Incidentally, Daft Punk's newish song 'Robot Rock' is VERY cool. Typically Daft Punk. If someone wants to get me the knew album, I won't be mad. At all.
I'd bear your children or marry you, but as it is I’m a HUGE polygamist and am pondering going into mass production on the baby thing.
And my soul isn't worth much on the market these days... hmmm...
I'll give you.... my.... dermatographia.. There ya go. Instant tattoos, significantly less skin damage, significantly less pain. Only they’re slightly temporary. (To learn more, I refer you to THIS post)
ALSO, did you know that the Chemical Brother's new song has guest vocals from Kele of Bloc Party fame? And isn't it an EERIE video? The lurching machine things are pretty scary...
Another scary vid is Seventeen by Yourcodenameis: Milo. The eyepatch thing? FREAKS me out. But at least I don't duck and cover while screaming my head off as I do whenever I see anything Ring related. *shudder* The fear is in my bones and it won't be extracted.
Can someone please clue me in on the deal with My Chemical Romance? I'm interested to know if his music and band would still be as popular if they got into a fight with a deep fat fryer and lost.
And, dilemma... is it wrong for me to like That Wednesday 18 guy's song 'Walking with the Zombies' as much as I do? It's like Slipknot meets Sum 41 for a gangbang round the back of a movie theatre showing ‘Night of the Living Dead'.
Did you know how Marilyn Manson came to be known as the god of fuck? It's cause he INTRODUCES himself as such in Cake and Sodomy. Oh yeah. So, anyone in a band wanting a catchy tag of their own, remember... just tell the people. Only don't go nicking someone else's or being too pretentious about it. Or you'll be known as 'that dude who wants to be known as...' and that really only worked for Prince.
Disclaimer: What I know about the music business could be written on a rice grain. The above is completely my own opinion, and pretty crap opinions at that.
Thank you. Anyone taking my advice will definitely regret it, and I mean AFTER I get a 10% cut of anything...
And really... how old IS Trent Reznor? o_0
Also at some point during my last post and now (I think anyway) I went to the Tumbledown Dick with Bungle et Sophie (and Natalie) and was slightly... wired. By slightly I mean a lot.
I had 3 double rum and cokes, only one of which I bought; Natalie bought me the other one for going to the loo with her and the third one was purchased grudgingly for me by SOPHIE'S Mutley.
And I have this to say about that.
1) If you don't want to spend cash getting a drink, don't ask me what I want. Especially if you haven't been particularly nice to me all evening and realise I have a completely unscrupulous side for such situations.
2) I don't think it IS being cheeky expecting you to buy me a drink you offered to buy me even though I won't have sex with you later. For one thing, I think I'm worth a bit more than 3 pound something... like, at least a fiver. Come on. I think it's pretty cheeky to offer to buy a drink and expect a shag for it. What was said really didn't HAVE to be said... even if it was a lie but blame me for being paranoid about things like that.
Anyway, there was tolerable music, I yelled a lot and banged the table much, laughed a lot at Natalie!drama and then!!! The absolute crowning moment, the highlight of my month...
I got in a shopping trolley and Soph and Bungle pushed me to the car park in it! I was made up after realising that they WEREN'T going to steer me into a gutter.
Hey, they may not be as bad as yours, but I have my own trust issues too.
Tragic news for everyone who knows me on the net: From Sunday next the net will be inaccessible after 1am. Thus rules my father.
And the less said about ANYTHING to do with him, the better right now.
I mean, it's helpful to have your veins INSIDE your body when ficcing. Otherwise they get all in the way and make the keys slippery.
I LOVE maru_maru... because she’s amazing and wunderbar and also because of this which was her response to a leetle practical joke me and my groom played on… everyone at bk_f… we told them it was all over ...
Also, shout out to ghost_helwig for her defence of slash
I made a few new icons…
(this one is taken by heavens_sin and belongs to HIM )
( I hate it when boys don't hold hands because they have a carrier bag in each one. *pout* )
current mood: depressed
current music: Been a Son- Nirvana
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| Wednesday, March 23rd, 2005
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Wed, Mar 23rd, 05 @ 11:00pm - If you're having food problems I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but a fridge ain't one
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Here comes the action
Here it comes at last
Lord give me a reaction
Lord give me a chance
You should follow me down
In a satellite town
There's no colour and no sound
I'll be ten feet under ground
Gotta get out this black and white town
Here comes some action
Put sound in my life
Gotta get out to get compensation
Gotta get out to get this to play
Well, leave me alone
Boy, you try to find your way in this world
You better make sure you don't
Crack your head on that pavement now
My god this is sick
It's been plaguing me now
This is a dangerous place now
This is a dangerous place
You should follow me down
In a satellite town
There's no colour and no sound
I'll be ten feet under ground
In this black and white town
You should follow me down
There's no colour and no sound
In a black and white town
Be ten feet under ground
In a black and white town
Doves- Black and White Town
I finished the second term of my final year at Uni.
Now all I have left is about a month of work on dissertation and essays and revision, then four exams... and then I have to wait for my results to see if I can graduate.
And I have to rent a gown :p
Listen while I load my gun...
I got my exam timetable in the post today.
( The dates of my destruction )
The week has been odd.
On Monday night I went to bed early for my LONG day at uni , so I was dozing off by 11/midnight when I felt something wet run down my chin. I turn on the light and find that my lip piercing is bleeding straight down my chin. For no reason. I went into the bathroom and cleaned it up and it didn't bleed anymore except for that once. What the hell happened??? I STILL have no idea, because it hasn't bled since, although now I have this pseudo-keloid sore lump thing on the inside of my lip, just under the ring.
Anyone know how I can make it go away, or is it just a question of more salt soaks?
Aaaah, salt soaks. Healing piercing? salt soak. Infected cut? salt soak. Broken limb?
So, after getting up because of that, etc, etc, I couldn't get back to sleep until around 4 am, which sucked because for the past week I've been unable to sleep until around that time. I got up 4 hours later to get ready to get my bus to get to uni earlier than usual, which I did. Somehow.
I picked up my assessed essay cover sheets from last term, then I went to see my seminar teacher about my unassessed essay, THEN I had my last Revolutionary Romantics: Shelley seminar for which I had to do a presentation, THEN I had an hour to kill before seeing my other teacher about my other unassessed essay, but one of my mates in that seminar class decided to hang out with me, so we went back to her house to get her library card so she could hand in a library book. I went to see my other teacher, then walked to the bus stop, waited for an hour and FINALLY got the bus back home.
Whew.
Bus journey's suck.
That evening (I think) I went with Bungle down to kisskissx's house to watch a movie and Natalie was there too.
Then the fun started.
(insert eljay drama here)
Bungle was playing with Natalie's camera phone while I was in raptures playing with a cat toy. One of those ones which are a fluff thing on the end of a stick? Soph's danced it at me and i had to catch it, and I'm telling you... probabaly the cheapest form of entertainment in the WORLD!
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Okay... anyway, Bungle took a pic of Soph on Nat's phone and put it on her wallpaper.
Now you should know that Sophistelies is GOR-GEE-US! And Natalie completely flipped over her pic on the phone! Apparently she didn't want anyone to think she was a lesbian
(which is stupid because shes such a closeted homophobe that anyone with a gaydar, or a radar of any sort would know she isn't publically a lesbian. I mean, this is a girl, a friend of mine nonetheless, who once called me a fag while I was going out with Bungle... I mean what the fuck?!)
but she offended Sophie, who politely, I have to stress she was polite and rational, told Natalie 'You're offending me'. Natalie, of course, hit the roof with that. Not only was she going on about how she didn't want SOPHIE'S pic on her phone, which was SO rude, she also spends the half the time when she's over Sophie's on the phone to her < quote-unquote >boyfriend. Anyway, she ended up storming out of the room, coming back in when she realised she'd left her stuff, then went back out having called her dad to come pick her up, saying she'd be waiting... on a street corner.
Safe.
She went out as Soph's mum came in, so we had to explain that Natalie was alot bit of a drama queen and not to be mad at Sophie basically. Unfortunately, Natalie had a cry to Sophie's dad about us and seduced him with her evil mind poison, so he then had a go at Soph.
Natalie's dad picked her up anyway, me and Bungle went home and the next day Natalie carefully DOESN'T invite Sophie to come drinking on Friday.
We invited her anyway.
So on Friday me and Sophie and Bungle and my sister Cath AND Natalie all went to drink in Farnham. And had a good time, despite Natalie striding away in front of us. She asked me later in the pub if I wanted to go shopping with her on Saturday, KNOWING that I was meeting Sophie and going shopping with HER after Bungle had her hair done... so of course I turned her down, after which she promptly informed me she would probably be going somewhere better with her sister. Whatever.
On Saturday I did go and meet Sophie in Aldershot after Bungle went to get her hair done, and wile we were sitting in Coffee Culture talking to other!Soph Natalie meets us. And the first thing she does is COMPLETELY ignore the Sophies, walk up to me and hit me (playfully) upside the head.
So it was playful, I didn't fucking appreciate being treated like her fucking dog!
After a day of sniping and head-doing-in-age she left and we met Bungle (who's hair is now RED RED RED and all purdy) and I actually bought some proper tops that aren't band tshirts from Dottie Ps. o_0
Yeah, go fig.
To conclude, I've more than done with Natalie's drama and lying and backbiting and everything she does to garner attention and sympathy and don't want to associate with her anymore.
I'm still going to though, because apparently she's good for another body to drink with and split cab fare with and I don't wanna cause the kinda waves where you can't invite one person because the other person doesn't wanna see them, cause if you can't get over your personal problems with someone for the sake of another friend you're just childish, and Natalie is no adult.
Mrow! Bitch alert. That kinda crept up on me there... anyway...
(end eljay drama)
Saturday evening (after Cath backed out as she had work in the morning, which was fair enough but really irritating) me and Soph and Bungle went to Camberley and the Agincourt.
Had a few drinks, snided a few people (I always turn into a sarcastic mindfucker when I drink, I just can't suppress my evil side when I do) danced, badly as always.. watched Soph get groped, watched a gay pseudo-BJ... it was an okay evening.
The bouncers apparently kicked some kid out cause he was holding E; he fought with them, one of them punched him, and he fell over, hit his head on the step and had to be taken away in an amublance... Yeah, it was pretty amusing. Dumbest reason to get in an ambulance ever I would think...
Although I hear those bouncers are bastards.
*sigh* Sometime's I become very irritated with myself about the lack of substance in my life. At least I know that all that pseudo-dramatic froth isn't something I take very seriously... or care about in fact. Woo!
Go apathy!
Thumbing through the pages of my fantasies, pushing all the mecry down, down, down..... I'm above you smiling as you drown, drown, drown
Mwahahahaha!
This weekend I'm going to Southall on Friday till Sunday >< and then my nan's coming round on Monday (I think)
I don't wanna go. Family makes me nervous.
So yeah, if anyone actually MISSES me for a few days, that's where I am. Southall.
I keep getting these vicious dizzy spells, usually around 7 in the evening onwards. I get enough sleep, I went outside, I dranka and ate enough so its not that. I can't concentrate on anything and these dizzy spells are bad- in the way that it feels like I'm actually spinning, not just fuzzy dizzy... does that make sense to anyone else?
It's irritating, I can't do anything.
I've depleted my cash resources, so now I don't think I can spend anymore money until I get my next loan in. I spent the almost last of it on a shoulder bag (which I needed); its black and one of those plasticy ones, you know the kind... it has this cute little death angel thing on it.. awwwww... bless
I wanna go see a movie.
An ANIME movie.
Maybe I should just watch Akira?
White Zombie is all very well and good, but sometimes you just wanna listen to some SERIOUS music. So I put Union Underground on instead...
Load up all your friends man, I'm tripping like a fuckhead. Bore us all again with your drivel, kill the pig dead...
How. Amusing.
And now, the Deadlights...
Sister, sister, I cry my eyes sore, but no one listens to me. My head is pounding, my wrists are bleeding, my life means nothing to me
How... petulant.
Someone be nice to me?
Lately I've been feeling that black dog gnawing my achille's tendon til I fall down and no longer wish to move again. or wake up.
There's this immense feeling of foreboding, anxiety and panic hanging over me and I have no clue why. It's like forgetting something vitally important and knowing you forgot it but not knowing what it is.
And I've lost my muse a bit.
Plus I'm lonely and generally miserable and I DON'T KNOW WHY!
I'll grumble and complain here because I can, and you don't have to read it; neither do you have to care.
I am often sick of myself.
( Read more... )
current mood: anxious
current music: Black and white town- The Doves
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sick